Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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