No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You took a bar mat shot.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
