then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
