I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
