Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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