I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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