so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
