Screwed.edu
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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