sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
