she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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