happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
