Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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