that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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