this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
