I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
