Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
