This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
