Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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