I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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