Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
