i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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