did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
