Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
