My first STD was from a foam party
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
