Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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