i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
