Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
