just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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