I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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