Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
