I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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