I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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