okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
