More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
