I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
