The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
