My first STD was from a foam party
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
