I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
