I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
