sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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