I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
