I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
