Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
