White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
