OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
