His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
