**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
