She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
