After last night, I could never be a politician.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
