TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
