Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
my god I love twenty year old dicks
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
