He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
