She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it glows. i had to have it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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